So as I mentioned in Sundays post I cut my hair again. This time it was even more of a big deal because my hair is now at least a 6th of its original length.
I’ve always wanted to cut my hair really short, something I first thought of doing a little over 3 years ago. At the time I wasn’t confident at all and my thoughts were ‘I’ll look like a boy’ and ‘I’ll look ugly’. The thing is though is I’ve changed so much since then. I think part of me just wanted to prove it to myself, to prove that I didn’t still harbor those insecurities of my earlier teenage years. So I picked up the scissors and started cutting off my hair. Watching the clumps of my afro fall to the floor was liberating.
When I was done I looked in the mirror and smiled because I never thought I’d ever be able to feel confident or beautiful with hair this short. All the hair at my feet felt like a symbol that at last I am letting go of the past. For years my life has been haunted by my younger self. All the mistakes I’ve made, times I’ve cried, been rejected or tossed aside, none of it mattered so much anymore. It was like I finally realised that I really didn’t have to carry it around with me everyday just because it happened. I now fully understood that I could put it all down and start living.
So that is what I did last week and honestly I haven’t felt this good in so long. And it’s just crazy because this past week I’ve found myself doing little things that I once couldn’t do and I’m smiling because for once I can say ‘Yes, I’m happy!’.
Perhaps this post means nothing to you but means a whole lot to me. It means that I’m making progress with my life, that my soul is healing and that is something I have wanted for a very long time.