What has become of the girl I once was

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The end of December marks 5 years since I clicked publish on my first ever blog post. Blogging is really something that I’ve grown up with, it is a big part of my life. It has taught me so much about self expression and that I am not alone in my struggles.

When I started blogging I felt very alone, thought I was missing out on life and felt like I didn’t fit in with other people. I struggled immensely all through secondary school in ways that are too complicated to explain. However blogging became such an important aspect in my life. I think I loved blogging the most when I could write about life and connect with people who wrote about their lives too.

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5 years ago I could not have ever predicted that my life would be what it has become. It is not the life I daydreamed about or wrote about in my journal. But I’m so much happier than I ever believed I could be as a teenager. I also love and accept myself which is something I could have never said even 2 years ago. I’m getting rid of bad habits and bad thought patterns and learning about the way my mind works which makes my life a whole lot easier.

The past 5 years have been the most prominent ones of my life because I’ve grown and developed more than I have in all the years before.

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One of the things I have discovered about myself through blogging is that I love to write about life. I take inspiration from my struggles and joys of living and share them. Once upon a time sharing my life would have been terrifying because the thoughts and opinions of others took 1st place before my own. I’m not like that anymore though because I understand I’m not for everyone and my truth/self-expression mean more to me than allowing others to have power over me.

Writing and reflecting on the past 5 years has got me wondering on 5 years from now. I’ll be in my mid-twenties then, a proper adult to my childhood self. Right now I can picture pretty well where I would like to be which is a big contrast to 5 years ago. In 2011 I didn’t have a clue what I wanted from life. I was like a small piece of debris floating in rough seas. I had no idea where I was going and little to no control to steer my self in any kind of direction.

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The girl I once was (the girl from 5 years ago) is healing and she is happy to be alive. I’m happy to be alive and I think I’m ready to do all the things I’ve been afraid of.

jimi x

 

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