Often I find myself exhibiting passive or passive aggressive behaviour when I don’t feel fully comfortable to express my feelings in words. I guess in my mind I think that since ‘actions speak louder than words’ it’s okay for me to not say how I feel because I can show it instead.
I grew up being someone that was often too scared to rock the boat. I’d constantly just pretend I was fine no matter what was going on. I would only express the aspects of myself to people that I thought they wanted to see and would hide the things I believed they wouldn’t accept.
I’d never tell people I was upset with them because I worried my feelings weren’t justified and it often ended with me being passive and even passive aggressive.
But what I have come to understand is that I’ve had a fear of asserting myself. So I am working to change that. I’m also learning the importance of just being myself no matter what. I’ve starting reading a book called How to be assertive in any situation and it has been incredibly helpful so far. Not speaking up allows people to take advantage and you end up left feeling powerless.