There is no way I’ll be able to finish this post without feeling incredibly emotional.
I spent the first few weeks of this year feeling the blues. Then after one good day on February 11th I realised that things could actually get better. The next 9 months that followed were pretty up and down. They included ending my previous blog, starting a new blog from scratch, bad dates, new friends, being inspired, missing old friends, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, struggling and coping.
In the summer I cut my hair down to less than 2 inches which was a very big deal for me because I did it for myself. I wanted to do it and I did and strangely there was no worry or fear about how I’d look.
Once November rolled around everything slowly began to fall into place. It wasn’t that things changed physically, it was more mental maybe even spiritual. In November I began to understand myself. After a long time I was finally able to conclude why everything in my life was as it had been.
One of the biggest things I’ve realized this year is that I am in control. For a long time I’ve felt as though there is nothing I can do, like I’m on a roller coaster and all I can do is just sit back and hold on till it’s over. It’s like I’d suddenly realised that the controls were right next to me. Or lets use the analogy of being trapped in a prison and then realising ‘Oh, I have the key, I can actually escape this!’.
Something else I figured out is that I had become extremely comfortable in my old habits. These were negative habits from early childhood that had become part of my daily life. I don’t really like to use labels but what I will say is that my habits developed into symptoms of mental illness.
In the past 12 months through writing and reflection I’ve gotten to the root of my issues. I haven’t completely solved them all because it doesn’t work like that but I understand myself and they way my mind works so much better. By sorting out one major issue in my life it kind of had a domino effect. Every aspect of my life has improved.
The first 6 months of 2015 I was blogging on snippets of this life and I was doing really well but I decided I wanted a new challenge. So 6 months ago I started this blog. It was at a time that I was transforming as a person and I wanted to create a blog for the person that I was becoming.
In the post I did last year that you can find here, I wrote that I was becoming more me which I actually think better sums up 2015.
Something else I’ve learnt is to break the cycle and know that whatever my circumstances, my life won’t change if I don’t take action.
I’m a work in progress and each day I strive to overcome the things that have limited me, each day I strive to be better.